Remembering Tasha - Beginning to End

My Second and My First - Remembering

October 20, 2008 by Maria Stranaghan

I remember when we decided to have you and

how excited we were to have you coming into this world.

I remember how we struggled as a family;

how I raged at you in my womb and wished you were never conceived.

I remember how I cursed at my faith, wishing I had never been taught,

that to now take your life, would be a sin.

I remember believing, to have you would be wrong,

how I wept for not wanting you, for feeling this way.

I remember the joy I felt, when you started to show life in my womb,

how you were a part of me and we were one.

I remember how excited we were, your dad, your brother and I;

how we could hardly wait until the day you were born, to see you for the first time.

I remember the day you were born, of the pain I felt, of those who helped to guide me,

to help you come into this world, of the joy we all felt when we found out you were a girl.

I remember what a quiet baby you were and how peacefully you slept and

how at times I would sleep with my hand on your heart, to make sure that you were still with us.

I remember the fear I felt, believing you would not be with us on this earth for very long,

how I would panic at these thoughts and I struggled with the guilt of my past feelings.

I remember how delighted your big brother was to hold you for the very first time,

of how your dad felt as though he’s heart would burst through his chest, for the love of you.

I remember how happy and proud you were when your little sisters were born;

of how you would love them and tease them and of how they loved you and

how you wanted them to remember your love.

I remember your first kiss, your gentle touch on my face and then of

how suddenly you seemed to grow and

how you shared the story, of your first kiss with a young man.

I remember how you needed to grow and to live to be your own person;

of how you struggled with the thought that one day you would have to leave us.

I remember how proud we were of you; how we loved that you were in our life,

the celebrations and the love we shared with family and friends.

I remember the stray animals you would bring home, then as you grew,

how you would want us to take others in, these children you knew and felt were lacking of love.

I remember our last Christmas and how you wanted to help others after your death,

of the legacy of love that you wanted to leave behind

I remember the sorrow and pain that we all felt, when you were taken from our lives,

but how happy we were to be able to fulfill your wish to help others.

I remember how shy I was, how I didn’t know, if I could do all you asked of me,

 then I would think of how you trusted me,

had faith in me and how this helped to guide me along.

I remember the joy I felt, when we knew of all the others that were helped,

because of you, and how your heart now beat in another,

and how your love, now continued to grow.

I remember all of these things, I also think of the others we have lost and

those that have since been born,

of the journey we shared,

of how life continues until I see you again.

I share these words in loving memory of you my dear daughter,

my second born and my first daughter of three

I remember that you were, one, we all loved and you will remain forever in our memory