1993 - Journey starts - on my knees.

1993 – Journey starts - On my knees – .

When I had to go up the stairs, at the town office for a town council meeting, on my knees, memories flood back to other times that I have been brought to my knees.

One on those memories was of how, I would kneel at Tasha’s grave site, weeping and wondering how I could go on. Wondering how any of us could go on without her in our lives.

Wondering how my husband, our other daughters Crystal and Louise and our son Douglas, would be affected by this loss?

Would our marriage survive, would our family survive, would we ever be o.k. again?

To this day, the pain of that time, is clear and real and with me still.

I think of that final day that, I knelt at her graveside, bent over in pain, with my head on my arms that were crossed over her headstone.

I recall how I wept; praying and asking Tasha for help, asking God for guidance, not knowing how to go on.

Then I remembered Tasha’s Wish, of Tasha asking me to also educate everyone about donation, of her telling me how important it was to her, for me to do this.

It was at that moment that, I made the decision that I would weep at her grave no more, that I had to move on.  I had to move on for the sake of my other children, my husband and for myself and Tasha.

As I got up from her grave, I was filled with strength and a determination to move on.

Then as I walked away on that day, I made a vow that someway, somehow I would do as she asked.

With that I also made final vow that when I had done everything in my power to fulfill her final wish that, on that day, I would come back to her grave and let her know that I had kept my promise.

Finally, with all of this, I believed that, if I could keep these vows, I would truly be the mother and the person she thought me to be.

God bless with best wishes -

Maria